Years before becoming a holistic wellness coach, even as a young girl, I was fascinated with health, our bodies and our minds. I grew up in a loving home, with compassionate young parents working in healthcare and law enforcement. 

Unfortunately, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been plagued by thoughts of unworthiness, self-doubt and shame.It didn’t matter if it was schoolwork, sports or relationships. The belief that I wasn’t good enough, ran on repeat in the back of my mind. It was cemented deeper through experiences of bullying and abuse.

On the surface, I was intelligent, capable and confident. I spent decades successfully navigating school, fitness, a nursing career, marriage, and motherhood. I have friends and family, coworkers and communities. 

On the inside however, I was anxious, irritable and exhausted. Nobody, not even the people closest to me, knew I was battling high-functioning anxiety and PTSD.

After my daughter was born, the anxiety worsened. She wasn’t an easy infant. Despite all my years as a labor and delivery nurse, being a mom was much harder than I’d anticipated. I stayed up late, binging television or internet window shopping. 

I was physically capable of surviving on 4 hours of sleep, so I convinced myself that was all I needed. My husband’s fire career kept him at the station for upwards of 72 hours at a time some weeks. I drank coffee all morning, and glasses of wine each night. 

But I was a healthy eater and avid crossfit athlete, a few bad habits weren’t such a big deal, right?

In 2018-2019 I took on the challenge of marathon training. It had been a lifelong dream I never believed I could accomplish. In the midst of training runs, alone with my thoughts for hours at a time, transformation began. 

I started uncovering my anxieties and my traumas, tears streaming down my face on running trails. Shortly afterwards, a career transition for my husband led to personal triggers. The years of anxiety and stress started taking a toll on my marriage and my parenting. 

At work, I could muster up the energy to put on a cool, calm and collected front, but once I got home, I lost it. I would snap at my daughter for the littlest things, then lock myself in the bathroom and cry for being such a shitty mom. My husband was baffled and didn’t know what was wrong with me.

I knew I couldn’t continue living this way. 

I read and consumed all I could on holistic health, nervous system regulation and trauma. 

I researched how to better manage stress and anxiety instead of ignoring it or numbing it.

It took time for me to discover what would and wouldn’t work for me, but I finally figured it out.